Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
