By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
