awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
