If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
