Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
