Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
