You're so nebulous sometimes
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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