weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
