"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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