i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had sex on a roof
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
