If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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