his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
