I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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