Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
