after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
