can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
