Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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