i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
