Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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