my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
His nipple licking is glorious
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