Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
