I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
