Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
