I will die if light touches me.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
