i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
