Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
