I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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