I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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