Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
