Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
