Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
