I just pynch a tree in the face
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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