i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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