So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
