Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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