batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
