hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
