Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
