You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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