Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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