my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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