The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
