Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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