he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
