Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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