i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
