fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
