Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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