Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
