He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
