we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize