my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
