i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
where does the pee come out of this thing
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
