she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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