Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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