I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
