But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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