just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
