I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
