well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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