I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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