good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize