she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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