I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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