One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
