dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
