I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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