I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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