Umm I'm too high to move.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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