I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
