just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
