Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
